As of today, Kaleo and I have been dating for four years. Right through high school and into our first year of college. Some people ask, “How do you do it?”

The short answer: I don’t really know. We just work. However, I have learned a few things that may come in handy for other couples out there.

1. Your significant other has annoying habits. Get over it.
No one’s perfect. After years (or even weeks! months!) in a relationship, you will come to realize that there are some things your boyfriend/girlfriend does that just irks you. Maybe he doesn’t close his mouth completely when he eats. Maybe she has a tendency to scream in rather benign movies which inevitably earns glares from other moviegoers. You can do one of two things. You can make it known that this habit annoys you. They might stop for a little while. But habits are ingrained. They’ll probably start again. There’s your second course of action. Just ignore it.

2. Make “cuddle” time.
Cuddle time doesn’t necessarily mean a physical type of relation with your significant other (S.O.). It means there needs to be time, even five minutes a day, that you spend with each other. No other distractions should interfere with this time. It’s not supposed to be planned out, but if you’re in a place in your relationship where you absolutely adore the other person, but you may be going “over the edge” into a break-up, you might want to make these a point. If not, they usually come naturally.

3. Never stop dating.
I heard this one on an episode of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” Not only does it mean treating you and your S.O. to a nice outing once in a while, it also means to never lose the mentality that this has all become mundane. Yes, “going out” with someone will become part of the routine of your life, but it should not become something that causes you to just go through the motions.

4. Say “I love you” whenever you want to.
Does saying “I love you” often cheapen the phrase? Sure, if you’re no longer thinking about what it means when you say it. But if you mean those words, your S.O. won’t ever stop believing them. Well, it’s worked for us. This means, of course, that you can’t just say “I love you” when you two are arguing just to stop the argument.

5. Make it clear you’ll love your S.O. no matter what.
You should love your significant other unconditionally. And you have to make sure that they know your love doesn’t hinge on whether or not you’re angry at them. If it does, you’re in the wrong relationship. Or state of mind. Love should not be a system of rewards, and you should not love someone simply because they gave you flowers that morning. Even when you’re fighting, whether or not you love a person shouldn’t be questioned.

Posted on November 4th, 2006 by Joy
Filed under: Couples, How to, Relationships