Funny little games we play
The Boyfriend smokes. I absolutely hate that, because 1) it’s just bad for his health, meaning he’s probably going to die far too young and 2) it just smells bad. When I was a wee little child, smoking used to just be something my yellow-toothed uncle did; I was used to it. But at some point, the smell triggered asthma-like symptoms in me; one being the sudden lack of the ability to breathe.
Needless to say, I didn’t expect that I could ever tolerate a boyfriend who smokes. Which I don’t, really. He doesn’t smoke around me and pretends he’s trying to quit. He actually does insist that yes, he is trying to quit and that he doesn’t actually enjoy smoking. Which, of course, means he’s an addict.
For my part, I pretend like I don’t know he’s smoking when I’m not around, which works fine. I mean, if I were going to either live with him, or if I had any plan to marry him when I get older, I’d probably be a little more upset about it. But I don’t really have any control over what he does; quitting is something he has to decide for himself, not for his girlfriend.
Think of the practicality of it; if the only reason he quits is because I said so, he’ll just start doing it again when we break up, which, in no way or form, is any good for him at all. And I think I regard him a little more highly than that.
Although, I don’t know what that says about our relationship now if we’re just playing this “not really not smoking” game; he did at one point give me his cigarettes so I could regulate his intake. Of course, every time he asked for a cigarette I felt like an enabler, a dirty drug dealer huddled in the corner of a high school selling marijuana out of her ripped Jansport backpack.
Anyway, we’re back to square one: a boyfriend who smokes and a girlfriend who tolerates it even though, in actuality, she hates that. The smoking, not the boyfriend. I can generally ignore smoking in other people, but when I have to kiss the guy… well, that gets a little iffy. (Not that I let him kiss me if he even REMOTELY smells like ashes.)
Posted on March 26th, 2008 by Joy
Filed under: Boyfriend
Smoking is so addictive so it will be so difficult for him to give up. The key is not to complain. Help him with a different goal. Giving up somoking is not his goal. Creating a healthy life is help him do this and this will get you on his side. Good luck!
I really know how that feels. My boyfriend smokes like a steam engine, and it annoys me to no end. Worse, I live with him, so I have to pour on copious amounts of perfume to cover the stench every time I leave the house.
He once gave me his cigarettes, too, and told me to make sure he didn’t get more than five a day. Except that every day, he asked for about eight, and I felt like that nurse at the hospital that gives a diabetic candy even though it’s bad for him.
eeek! Im with you here - kind of - but in reverse!
My partner just hit 12 months without a smoke
- me I have been smoking 10 years and REALLY trying to break my addiction.
He tries everything from ignoring my smoking to getting annoyed and complaining - to hiding my packet to paying for anti smoking gum.
It is no reflection on my love for him that I am still a smoker - its all about the addiction.
Smoking is just so additive and so hard to give up and from my experinece if you critise and moan at him he will find it harder to give it up but if you support him and even give him some treats when he reaches milestones like one week, two weeks and 1 month and so on that will give him the continued determination not to relapse